TheImportantOnes::
They d0nt c0me in order,
every0ne ob dem is the same imp0rtant.
*crysTaL*
*feLicia*
*haNy*
*huiLin*
kEr0u*
*anNa*
*emiLy*
*fFeL*
*graCe*
*jEsLyn*
*ya0ya0*

Pass my DIPLOMA
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Ah Bee(Brother). Ah Boii(Brother). Nin9(Brother's wife). Ah Si(c0usiin).
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Bebix.
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Emily.
Ffel-Felicia.
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Wanling. Weilun. Whit. Winnie.
Xia Xue.
Yiling.

todae iie dunno whethe shlld iie say its a good dae . or jus nothe bad dae . nth was wrong in e mornin . jus as normal . wakiie up n get ready forr wrk . tins happened abt lunch tyme . darlink msged me . ask if iie gort tel huilin dat herr dad often go our hse jump arr .? iie say no , n b4 dat iie sms huilin to cfm . yesh .! n iie didnt say dat . den he starts all e tins lerh . say iie wad gossip . owas tel huilin tins . den kip sayin me. dats it . a simple way to say ish dat he likie dunch trust me at all . coosh hiish mum scolded hiimh . say iie gossip uncle's daughter tin . den haii uncle kanna scold n quarrel wit e wife . dats it . pull me dwn again . n wen iie didnt do sunch tins at all . hiish unreasonable throughout . n asked me nort to reply hiimh . coosh he dunch wished to tok to me either . den iie was very sad , ordered e KFC meal forr mye breakfast cum lunch , n iie didnt eat or tounched at all . jus leave it ther . iie lost mye mood . dats e 1st tyme he doubt me . e 1st tyme to ask me shut up . e 1st tyme to say me dat way . n oso e 1st tyme asked me nort to mit hiimh coosh he dunch wished to c me . mye heart reali broke dwn . iie left wit no words . iie tot iie tok to uncle's wife cn mak mye name clear , buhh stil , he hangs up mye cor n asked me dunch bothers hiimh . iie was numb . sittin dwn at e office wit no mood . n was very very vexed to do anytins too .

den jus reached hme nort longg , he msged me . "EU STIL HAVEN OFF WORK IS IT!' dats wad he sms me . in anger . coosh iie didnt tel hiimh iie off wrk lerh mahs . coosh its hiimhself asked me dunch msg hiimh de mahs . many ob mye GF all asked me to tin properly . whethe to carry on wit tis r/s or nort . thanks again , mye dearest GF .!buhh im reali too lost to mak any decisions . iie jus replied hiimh . "FINISHED." n dats all . shlld iie gibb in again mahs ? iie reali dunno wad to do . coosh til nw he stil haven reply . iie tin im goin to off mye hp . buhh wil he b agigated if he cant find me ? wil he worried wo mahs ? iie dunno leis . hw? hw? hw? haiis .

im stil tinkin wad to do ..

w.o.u.l.d..e.u..b..t.h.e.r..?

lols . backiie to wrk todae . hmm . quite alot ob stuff to catch up siia . hmm . buhh heng stilo cn handle nahs . hhaas . yst evenin tyme wen to bishan park wit ah gong ah ma , cousins , aunty n mummy . lols . wen to mye childhood playground play wit mye cousins . hhaas . was funn . n happy . buhh afte dat wen walk through e park . shoo tired norr . walked such a long distance siia . very longg tyme nabe go exercise lerh . dats y . hhaas . gort tyme oso mus walk alot . or execersie alot too . coosh iie find dat recently iie very easy gort siick . bored siia . todae was like a ver bad luck dae norr . coosh omos late forr walk . den earli mornin wanna put mak up den go wrk . den stupid norr . dunno y iie put foundation lerh . den saw all mye tiny skins came off . mye whole facewas like . arghh . den iie spent a very longg tyme to mak mye face okay n make up nor . den nvm . wen to walk . was asked to tak e labels out forr mye college . den god knows e whole cupboard e boxes ob labelsall dropped . SHIT .! den iie habb to slowly go pack it back nicely n accordingly to e boxes norr . siians . den wen to e hawker centre forr lunch wit mye college , HUDA n ZAVIER . lols . habb muslim food as lunch . e food was nort nice at all . lols . didnt reali finished it norr . haiis . den afte dat wen to e bugiis village walk walk awhile . den bought sm swits forr mye cousins . n a box ob swit forr myeself . yappx . hmm . den wen bk office . wrk , wrk & wrk . lols . den abt tyme to go hme . shoo happy . packed mye table n get ready to go hme . hhaas . den while on e way to e train , dats alot ob ppl . due to YANG CHEN LING at bugiis gort e dunno wad prog . siians norr . hmm . den reached hme abt 7.35pm . quite late norr . den bathe , n eat dinner . hmm . den afte dat awhile , wen to coffeeshop wit grandparents to drink n relac . n nw backiie here to blogg . tired . wanna go sllp . n as forr mye poor darlink , hiish too tired , shoo abt 4pm he wen hme to sllp n rest lerh . hmm . poor hiimh . heart paiin . yappx . tmr darlink's daddy bdae . dunno wann buy wad gibb hiimh . tin mayb jus a small cake wil do bahs =)) niites .!

bored . daes nv blogg liao . due to off daes too . shagg . den acc hubby . shoo no tyme to blogg at all . hhaas . hmm . 2dae cn blogg , coosh gort tyme . den no wrk . coosh am SICK . gort stomach flu . e paiin ish like on n off norr . stupid hell . siians . iie tin recently iie get very easily . lols . gonna go rest liao . blogg wen im free again bahs =/

lols . 2dae ish mye 3rd dae ob wrk . stil doiin fine norr . hhaass . yst nabe blogg lorr . coosg due to im too tired n lazy to blogg . hhaas . yst oso nth special . nort like 2dae . hell man .! earli in e mornin wake up go wrk . den e mrt alot ob ppl . very crowded n squezzin -,= .! den stupid . iie omos lose mye own balance . den iie tot nth wrong wors . den god nod wen iie reach bugis , iie was walkin out ob e train to ez it out . den very embrassin tin happened . e heels ob mye shoe came off . iie was . wth .! arghh . den iie was standin aside . den a india man stil come n tel me say mye heels at e escalator ther . say soft soft nvm leis . f*** . say til shoo loud . like wann gibb whole nod mye shoe e heels came off . haiis . no choice . wen to pick it up , den faste headed to e office . den til lunch tyme , iie den go to BHG buy a new shoe . lols . den iie bought a new pair ob heels . den tis tyme iie bought e one heels which gort middle part de . at least iie wont scare e heels legg come out =/ . den plus tis type ob heels nort dat tired forr standin too longg . arghh . every mon to fri same procedure , wait bus go walk den tak train nid to stand all e way , den go hme afte wrk oso stand all e way til hme . siians . lols . stil gort lots ob jobb waitin forr me to do tmr .. tired . go rest lerh .!

hmm . 2dae ish mye first dae ob wrk . n currently nw im wrkiin as an admin assistant . lols . name sound quite good , quite relaxiin jobb horr . buhh horr , alot ob tins nid to learn norr . hmm . iie oso met sm colleage even e office total gort 6 person includin me . its stil quite a peaceful jobb . lols . as forr mye jobb , at first iie omos dose off . coosh mye cheif which im under ob de ish in a mittin . shoo iie sit ther nth do . buhh afte herr mittin , hmm . jobb starte liao . she gibb me many notes n document to read n study . n she teaches me lots ob tins too . hmm . stil okays nahs . iie wont gibb up de . coosh iie promise darlink lerh . iie wont failed to let hiimh look dwn de .

yst wen to wo0dland central wit huilin . habb our dinner n walk walk . buhh e most shameful n shy tins b4 we reach our destination ish dat , we took e wrong stop . n we ended up in e custom . lols . den cant turn bk . mus go all e way to e sercuity rme to report den cn go off . lols . damn shy norr . all e policeman oso nod we tak wrong bus . den was like every1 lookiin at us norr . den go report liao . e police gibb us go out . den we wen ovr to central n habb our dinner . hmm . yum yum . we ordered satays n chilli fish . yesh . shoo nice n full . hmm . den afte dat we walk abt at ther . wen tyme up . huilin acc me go bk darlink shop ther e ntuc buy smtin den she go off . n iie acc darlink buy sm frozen food for us to go hme cook . he say he cook gibb me eat . lols . in e end . iie cook . hhaas . haii hao nahs . very full . shoo didnt eat much . den afte eatin . relac awhile , we wen to watch e YING CHA YANG CUO . nice show man .! hmm . den afte e show , we dose off to sllp =/

last niite habb a bigg talk wit hiimh . haiis . tins isnt dat simple at all . tis relatioships reali nid to worth all tis tears iie cried forr hiimh mahs ?

actuali wad he wann frm me de stil okays . buhh iie dunno y mye frens said dat im too stupid . iie gibb in to hiimh too much ?
1. iie mus guaii guaii
2. iie mus nort b lazy n learn to do more hse wrk
3. iie mus report to hiimh weneva iie am or doiin wad
4. iie mus changed mye attitude , cant lil bit find quarrel

haiis . all tis ish wad he wann . iie tin iie reali nid to tried mye best to do all tis forr hiimh . coosh iie reali lurve hiimh too much lerh . iie wann tis r/s to last . iie asked hiimh e last tyme b4 he sllp last niite . whether tis r/s stil dat impt mahs . he replied YESH . im statisfied . shoo iie mus b strong n face all probs . n changed forr hiimh . haiis . jia you , iris .!

issit true dat this love is destined to have no happiness ?

yappx . was in both happy n sad mood =) / =(

forr happy mood ;
wen shoppin n interview . hmm . mit huilin n herr gf @ sembawang . den dey acc wo go bugiis ther interview a admin jobb . e interview took quite a longg tyme . hmm . environment ish stil nort bad . very quiet norr . hhaas . while iie was in e interview rme . den huilin n herr gf iie tin jovina =)) waite forr me outside . hhaas . gud frens .. hmm . den e guy was like sittin in front ob me , den kip shakin e stupid legg norr . iie nod he very richh . buhh y kip shakin . mak me feel like goiin to e toilet nor . hhaas . buhh didnt nahs . hhaas . den afte interview , wen to parco n hab our breakfast @ pasta mania . nth much forr me to eat . shoo iie ordered e hawaii pizza . shared wit e girls too . coosh dunch feel like eatin norr . hmm . habb lots ob chatt . was talkin abt ah lak uncle , huilin's handsome dad .! hhaas . jokin ard too . den afte dat wen to village shopp shopp . lols . coosh iie wanna buy bagg . den at last bought 1 bag . very nice n gud to use . coosh big enuff forr me . actuali wanna tak black de . buhh e bagg onii come wit 1 wit 1 color . in e end afte e girls comments , iie took e red color de . YESH .! iie simply lurve e bagg alot . n iie straight use it norr . n throw mye puma bagg away . dat tyme bought wit grace baba de . spoilt lerh . shoo jus throw away . lucky nort dat ex =) hmm . den shop ard norr . talkiin n shoppin . hhaas . shoo longg nabe go out lerh . at last iie am free to go out . yappx .

hmm . afte jovina bought herr top , we decided to change tio lerh . shoo was waitin forr cabby outside burger king . b4 we decided to leave bugiis , huilin's dad coor herr . lols . made herr lost sm mood . *girl , cheer up . nabe care too much wen eu re njoyin eurself=)) hmm . while waitin forr cabby , we saw a bird cant fly . iie tin sick lerh bahs . den e bus gibb way forr e bird to pass in order nort to crashed on2 it . den heng norr . siam away . buhh nort longg . 1 stupid lorry wen ovr it . den follow by all e cars . F**K .! even e police car oso wen ovr it . WTH . very er xin norr . e bird body ji tao bc0me flat den dead . poor bird . den c liao oso very er xiin norr . hmm . in e end , we stil chose to tak cabby frm parco . safer . nonid c e er xiin scene . hmm . gort e cabby den go far east . hmm . bought e girls to c mye last tyme wrkiin place . DOTTI . to c e vest . den walk ard norr . siians . bought a new wallet . its a black wallet . wit a ribbon ther . quite nice norr . hell lorr . last piece again . tis tyme iie kip ask uncle gibb offer . yeah .! gort it wit e offer price . shoo nice . shoo worth it norr . very longg nabe buy wallet liao . haapy =) den huilin bought a ice cream . afte dat we walk to cine norr . den nth leis . bought nth . den wen heeren . iie bought a shoe . very cute de . on discount . shoo bought it . yesh .! iris simply lurve to buy shoes =)) . happy . den while shoppin . we joke n window shoppiin many tins . shoo happy . buhh tired . den jovina bought a new shoe too . lols . den afte dat nth liao . dunno go wher . jovina wanna buy sling bagg . shoo wen bk to cine n acc herr buy . n in e end , at last she bought it . den we took train bk to cwp forr dinner . hmm . den at metro bought sm make up tins . yesh .! in discounts sales price . lols . iie tin iie spent too much .shlld go hme d=lerh . hmm . b4 go hme , wen to pasar malam . den iie bought shark fin forr mummy . she like stil angry abt me . dunch wann eat . haiis . no choice . iie LL .!!

forr mye sad dae part;
haiis . iie dunno wad im tinkin too nahs . very fann . its abt ,ye r/s prob norr . iie tot mye r/s habb stable to habb a lurviin bf . buhh iie starte to feel hiish neglect . n nort iie owas wann find quarrel or say break dat easily . its iie reali simply dunch like e feelin . abt hw he treate me shoo cold . iie nod hiish busy wit wrk . buhh jus even a sms oso hard mehs . im reali melted at mye heart norr . reali very hurt n painful . iie jus wished hiimh to pay more attention abt me . dats all . iie dunch wished more lerh . buhh iie tin ite like very hard . everythin he promised . he nv do it de . shlld iie gibb up ? sm1 pls tel me . im reali reali very lost . iie lurve hiimh shoo much . buhh nw , iie cant feel hiish once lurve again . y ish wrk dat impt den me ? im jealous n upset .!

siians . these few daes cn say ish mye ren shen zhong zuii sadd de daes . haiis . iie dunno y iie habb tis feelins too . its weird n strong . iie reali simply hatee it . sighs . hw iie wished all tis weird feelins re jus mye dreams . n iie wished to wake up frm it . hmm . daes habb been bad . habb been quarrellin wit hiimh eventhough its a small matter . iie dunno wadd happen to hiimh too . iie jus cant xplain . cant xplain everythin n feelins iie felt .

lata goiin farr eastt forr a interview . yawns . hop e jobb wil sucess bahs . iie reali nid to save alot ob $$ to settle mye hp bills n mye medical bills . arghhh . its jus like a mountain ob bills jus on top ob me norr . iie reali cant b shoo slackk lerh . iie reali nid to wrk hard lerh . iie mus pull mye socks up . lols . siians . stomach cramps again . iie tin due to e operation tins bahs . haiis .

iie reali very very tired ob quarreliin wit hiimh norr . iie tried mye best to gibb in lerh . buhh y he stil seems like pushiin me to e end ? iie asked hiimh wann break jus said . dunch habb to mak me shoo suffer . omos everydae cry cry cry . tin too much all dat . iie dunch wished mye depression come back . iie nid to start anew lyfe . jus cant he understands me more n nod wadd iie wann ? am iie askin too much ? haiis . iie jus wann hiimh to lurve me . n nort quarrel ovr lil tins . forr a r/s if tis ish shoo . many sure wil hatee it de mahs . which girl dunch wann b lurve by herr boii ? which girl like dey re r/s to quarrel everydae ? which girl dunch wann to settle dwn ? haiis .

darlink , iie nod smtyme its mye fault to coosh e quarrels . buhh cnt eu juss understands mye positions abit ? mye mummy dunch let me go out at niite forr e moment ish sure gort a reason de mahs . iie oso wont blame herr . plus iie jus habb e operations . iie reali nid lots ob care n rest . oso cant move abt too much .. jus tis lil understandin frm eu very hard mahs ? iie reali lurve eu too much . n iie nod eu lurve me alot too . im sorriie . iie nod iie shlldn't say e word BREAK as iie like . weneva iie like . buhh iie reali dunch mean it de. coosh iie jus out ob anger den say it . iie promise eu iie wont say dat word again . coosh iie nod iie habb hurt eu . im sorriie , mye darlink ..

lols . iie tin iie gonna coo mummy n say im goin out lerh . den go prepared forr mye interview . tata =))

yst , 16th may , 11.59am .

iie killed n ended mye lil baby's lyfe .

afte a longg desicions , afte a whole wks ob tears , afte a longg talked , afte every1's comments . n finally , iie made e final finl desicions . n iie decided to abort mye baby .

mummy n daddy jus wished to say we re reali sorriie , mye lil baby . coosh we reali habb no choice n shoo we habb decided to tak eu away . coosh we reali dunch habb e money ntyme forr eu . iie nod eu mus b blamin me . hating me . buhh mummy reali habb no choice . buhh nw oso gud . we hop eu cn get in2 a beta family n habb a gud lyfe n nort suffer wit us too . iie reali hop eu understnad our xin yi . we duch mean harm . buhh mummy n daddy miiss n lurved eu alot de .

hmm . hop mye lil baby cn rest in peace n find a gud family . buhh nw , iie mus b strong forr mye lil baby's sake . hmm . shoo nw , im willin to b strong n starts to hab mye own goals forr mye lyfe . n save n earn more $$ forr mye future . dats stil a long way forr me . mye frens , mye lurve ones re all jus beside me . iie shall nort let dem dwn . shoo if any1 gort any jobb lobang which suits me . pls intro hao mahs . coosh iie oso promised darlink dat we shall start anew wit a new lyfe . n he wil owas b supportin me , n stand by me no matte wad happens . hmm . iie simply lurve hiimh more n more . shoo frens , dunch worry . im doin fine . im startin to b a brand new me . havin a brand new lyfe wit goals . jus wished to find a jobb asap . save more $$ . shoo cn go overseas gaii gaii =))

backie frm hiish hme . hiish mummy n hiimh ask me to stayed ovr . haiis . wen to hiish hse last niites to listens to all e explanations . dey called e suan ming de frm malaysia come n help me suan .

den e persons talk many tins . den ask me y iie wan to do stupid tins to hurt mye self . she says its cruel to kill e innocent lyfe . buhh if dunch do it . it wil b a burden forr mye future . den everythin simply jus ended fast . hiish mummy n all says we shall get marry afte hiish army . lols . im very luan . reali . he apologised to me abt hiish neglect e afternoon . he say he dunch mean it eithe . jus dat hiish too stress too . he dunno hw to face me . n iie tin iie habb once soft hearte n forgibb hiimh lerh . ppl n frens tins im stupid enuff to forgibb him tymes n tymes even he smtyme cn reali hack care me . buhh he says he reali dunch mean it . haiis . n oso he habb made a promise to me in front ob every1 , sayin even if iie habb abort e baby , he wil stil lovee me n treat me good de . n wont leave me alon . n iie tin iie truste hiimh again . coosh hubbiie reali nabe lie to me b4 . even once . its a NO . he dunch do dat . haiis . shoo iietin wait he come out frm army den marry as hiish mummy says . den nw oso cn gibb me more tyme to save more money forr future . no nid hurry . coosh iie reali TRUST hiish words . nort bcoosh hiish mye bf . its coosh iie nod hiish lovee . iie may b too tian zhen . buhh iie stil cant let go ob hiish lovee . iie nid hiimh alot .

afte a longg discussions n all . iie stil dunno to abort or nort . buhh jus nw b4 iie come hme , hiish mummy kip insisted ob cookin forr me b4 iie go hme . buhh iie insist ob sayin nvm . its okay . im nort dat hungry . den b4 iie left , hiish mummy says . no matte wad tins happened , jus tel her , even if iie quarrel wit hubbiie . she dunch wished iie do stupid tins . she says she wil help me de . den oso asked me hw's mye desicions forr e babii . haiis . iie reali dunno . if abort , tmr mornin she n ah lak uncle wil bring me to a private clinic forr abortion . she jus asked me tin . den iie jus replied . okay . haiis . til nw , im stil confused . wil e babii reali b a burden to me mahs ?

e pain ;
I THOUGHT THIS LOVE WOULD LAST FOREVER, MY HEART, IT FELT SO SAFE
BUT ONE MISTAKE COULD LAST A LIFETIME, THIS LOVE FEELS SO FAKE
ALL I NEEDED WAS A LIFE OF LOVE, AND SOMEONE TO HOLD ME CLOSE
AND NOW I FEEL AS THOUGH I JUST CAN'T BREATHE, I FEEL LIKE A WILTING ROSE
GOD HELP ME GET THROUGH ALL THIS PAIN, IT HURTS SO DEEP INSIDE
I WONDER SOMETIMES IF I WILL HEAL, OR SHOULD I CURL UP AND DIE
IF AND WHEN I GET OVER THIS, AND START MY LIFE AGAIN
I HOPE YOU MAYBE THINK OF ME, OR WONDER HOW I'VE BEEN
I WILL ALWAYS SHED A TEAR WHEN I SIT AND THINK
OF THE MAN THAT LOVED ME TRUE, THEN MADE MY HEART SINK

pain ;
My heart beats like it never has before
As I look into your sorrowful eyes
I feel my heart begin to wilt
I am use to this feeling
It does not affect me any longer
I try to ignore the pain
But it just lingers
Haunting my soul
I see your face slowly fade away
I no longer want to live
My body slowly starts to die
I am worthless
For you took my last breathe
It was stolen from me
And now I am alone
Once again in the world

heart in mye arms;
I miss the feeling
of your heart in my arms.
I miss the way
you would melt to my charms.

I miss the knowing
you were desperate for my touch.
I miss the assurance
that you loved me, and how much.

I miss the adoration,
that would sparkle in your eye.
I miss feeling loved,
so much, I would cry.

I miss that feeling,
you would love me forever.
I miss how you dreamed
that we could be together.

I miss being certain,
that true love would prevail...
And I miss you.
And I love you.
As I have, without fail.

all tis broken heart poems iie found it online . afte a sllp . iie wake up . backie ob tinkin tins dat happen jus nw . he replied me . apologised forr late reply as hiish buzy . sighs . iie reali nid him . he says we re stil a couple . n iie nod he mean it . iie reali jus wished to b wit him n jus tins wasnt shoo unsolved . im stil cryin too . emily cool me dwn . she told me alot ob tins . n same goes to JAMES . thans . iie nod all ob eu wante mye future to b gud . n nort shoo sad . iie nod eu guys want me to pull through all these too . even mummy n daddy . once mye mummy told daddy dat wen she return hme tis afternoon , saw e knife was beside me . both ob dem tak turns to consuell me too . iie nod dey hab forgiben all mye mistakes . buhh cn iie forgib mye self ? iie dunno . reali . e song IMAGINE ME WITHOUT YOU habb been repeatin through mye com . im jus sittin ther tinkin hard . shlld iie let go or wad ? iie reali nid him alot . even iie nod dat hiish buzy wit hiish wrk . buhh at least a msg frm him iie oso happy . buhh iie cant blame . he did coor . he nod im nort feelin well . he stil care . earlier on he dunch wished to talk to e . as iie nod hiish very mixed up n everythin . iie understand e situation . iie wont blame him eithe . he promised he wil b by me . n nort leavin me alon again . mye heart jus goes on cryin . wil iie reali gort no choice n to abort e babii ?

iie mis hiish hugs n kisses forr a moment . im sick again . he wante me ovr to find him . as hiish mummy wants to talk wit me too . haiis . im stil thinkin very unsteadily . im very LOST ..

IM REALI LOST . cn sm1 jus hold me on PLS.!

everythin was okiie . until jus nw he called me . sayin hiish mummy wan mye birth tyme . den tins starte to changed . he told me dat dey wen malaysia suan ming . sayin im nort good . im a ke xin to hiish mummy . den me n him onii gort yuan wu fen . haiis . y ish all these happenin to me ? cant iie jus settled dwn tins in a beta ways ? y am iie owas e one gettin hurt ? y am iie owas e one lettin e tears fall ?

dey all wann me to ABORT . iie jus wished to kip mye babii . n nort gibbin it hurt by any1 . reali . it hurts me alot . no one jus nod mye feelins at all .

mummy called him wen seein me cry . den iie told herr wadd happen . she called him . den tins turned to e worse . he say dat he dunch wished to talk to rite nw . he hate me . he tot iie complained . n haii him kanna scold by mye mummy . n nw , mye mummy dunch allow me to go out . ims tuck . iie dunch wished anythin to happen . iie w\jus wann to b wit him . n nth else . haiis . he simply dunch reply me at all . hiish reali angry abt me .

iie dunch wished anythin to stop . iie jus wished forr him lovin me throughout . buhh y all tins dat hiish happy . coosh he dunch habb to pay any responsibility ? y ish tis shoo ? emily asked me to wake up frm e dream . mummy sayin hiish nort a man at all . coosh hiish useless . wad shlld iie do ? to abort or nort ? im lost . reali lost . mye controls ovr mye sense ob hurt ish backie . its all like e past . wil it ?

WAD SHLD IIE DO ?
CAN IIE IMAGINE ME WITHOUT HIM ?

iie simply hatee hatee those ppl who dunch appreciate wod e hao yi norr . WTF .! kanna asked to stopped wrk lerh . coosh e fair ovr lerh mahs . dey no nid any stupid ppl help dem do e fair lerh mahs . haiis . im simply very very du lan norr . as wad iie ovr heard de tins ish nabe been wrong . its true . dey re jus usin me to do fair . den nw fair finish liao . cn ask me go lerh norr . haiis . NVM . im a very strong girl . iie wil find a new jobb asap de . coosh iie nid to save more $$ forr mye lil babii . n its future . lols . go watch tv lerh . lazy blogg . tata .

WTF .!! iie type all mye blogg entries jus nort long ago . den error . F**k man .! shlld iie stop bloggin instead ?

repeatin mye entires *
jus nw mit hubbiie at amk ard hiish korr korr shop den go c doc . den tot doc wen forr lunch so stil haben open , hubbiie bought me ovr to e coffee shop next to it n eat . coosh whole dae iie nabe eat . jus ate a bread onii . poor me .! lols . afte eatin wen ovr backiie to e clinic . n guess wadd iie found ? lols . wed onii opens forr half dae . ASS . iie hatee it norr . den nvm , we walk ovr to e HEALTHGROUP next to jubilee n do our check ups ovr ther . lols . waite forr smtyme forr mye turn to go in . hmm . den afte smtyme til mye turns , iie ask docto help me double CFM whethe am iie reali pregnant , even if iie habb testi it all by myeself 3tymes . den doc say okiie . n ask me sm othe questions . hmm . den afte dat , hiie ask me to lied dwn on e bed shoo hiie cn do sm checkups on mye stomach . lols . den afte dat , hiie ask me go do urine tests . n we waited forr mye results to b out . me n hubbiie jus sit outside ob e rme n waited . nort longg , e doc coor forr me . n says mye result ish reali POSITIVE . am reali PREGNANT . lols . den afte dat , hiie adviced me many tins . like tis ish mye 1st pregnancy , iie cant tak any medicines iie like . as it wil harm e babbii sm how . lols . den ask me to eat more . especialli more YIN YANG de food . as babbii nid to b more healthy . hmm . den afte dat go out , mak e payment norr . lols . shoo damn ex . hmm . n oso , doc gave me sm medicines . hiie says its vitamin . iie nid it to bu xue . hmm . den afte dat , acc hubbiie go tak mrt . den iie wen hme instead . as im stil earli to mit emily . wonderr hw herr TP =)

den mit emily ard 5pm plus . due tu herr last min cancel mittin place made me bc0me more late . hmm . soorrie . iie dun mean it . its eu kip changiin place to mit . hhaas . den actuali was cravin frr seoul garden . as me n emily made a bet . if she fail iie treat herr . if nort , she passed , she treats me . lol . she FAILED . haiis . jus due to herr nervous point norr . emily , nvm . its okay . at least eu tried eur best . haiis . she told me dat she nearly bang to othe car at e main rod . alamak . mye dear emily . wad re eu thinkin . haiis . c lahs . stressed eurself up wont help eu concenrate de . lols . nvm . dunch brood ovr e sad tins lerh . iit reali tin its tyme forr eu to go on in eur new lyfe n nort stayin in e past , cryin omos every niites . its nort a very gud idea eu nod ? iie nod hw eu feel . coosh iie once feel dat too . jus smiles . n tins wil b fine . iris ish owas here to lend eu mye ears . hmm . shlld say 4ears now . pllus mye lil babbii de . hhaas .

den in e end , habb NEW YORK cafe as our bet norr . coosh iie nabe try b4 , shoo ask emily to try too . den we order quite alot norr . buhh didnt reali finished all up . coosh nort all e food taste nice . onii e fish n chips n e sphagetti . lols . n emily says mye strawberry delight nort shoo nice . hers beta . hmm . buhh iie stil prefer mine =) afte our treat , we wen to walk awhile . den jiu go hme lerh . emily came to mye hse . coosh iie kip ask herr to . lols . she's very surprised by mye rme . she says mye bed re very very big . cn mak herr fall asllp . lols . dunch b jealous . iris wil gibb eu sllp de . hhaas . jus kiddin ** hmm . den chatte abt many tins . herr sad stories . jus hop she wont tin shoo much afte tis . hmm . den helped herr to paste e stickes on herr hp which we share n bought it de . lols . quite nice norr . mus thans me okay ? lols . den habb sm soup which mummy cook de . afte awhile more , iie send mye girl back hme . iie acc herr til e main road , shoo she cn tak cabby n go hme fast . den iie wen hme . locked myeself inside de rme .

coosh im reali too stressed . coosh iie simply dunno wth mye parents wann . especialli mye f**kin dad . iie jus hatee hiim . reali . iie swear iie wil nv nv 4gibb hiim . all hiish words n tins hurts me ! wtf ! wann me abort mye babii ? wann bring me to girls hme ? f**k lahs . NO WAY MAN .! im nort goin to let eu ovr tak me . eu tin eu re beta off ? if shoo eu wont gibb eur wife , mye mummy's headache n tears . huh . drunk liao den scold as eu like . eu tin eu did beat forr tis hse ? iie simply cant 4gibb eu . eva since e last incident . iie tried . buhh nw , eu gibb me end ob path . n iie shall nort gibb a damn anymore . coosh eu all jus dunno wad iie wann . im reali old enuff to choose n mak decisions . iie dunch nid eurs . coosh iie nod iie wont mak a failure dats all . iie wont gib eu lok dwn on me . coosh all iie nod ish . eur SONS ish onii eur precious . shoo dun nid to say those hurtful n harmful tins to me . NO USE .!

arghh . iie reali n swear dat iie wil b strong , which iie habb promise to one ob mye girl , HEAZEL . she lend me herr listenin ears . thanss . she says im a blessin girl . n asked me nort to gibb up . n iie swear reali iie WONT . iris ish STRONG .!!

lols . hey . me again . lols . damn du lann wit e blogger norr . iie stil prefer mye previous blogskins . jus go change e background , den everythin turn to b in a biig mess . n emily say bo pian , habb to change e template again . STUPID . spent mye whole mornin doin e blogskins . waste mye tyme . haiis . lols . gonna go prepared lerh . coosh hubbiie alrdy reachiin amk soon . im mittin him to c doc . tc .

lols . 2dae jus rite off daes , as boss told angie dat iie lok shoo siick , scare iie cant mak it forr e fair to finish . as iie owas wear alot ob jackets . like gort snow like tis . lol . shoo later mittin hubbiie 1st at amk bahs . wait hiie wakiie up , den hiie gonna acc me go c doc forr babii's check up . actuali hiie pllannin toask me to marsillin c doc . den iie ask hiim ther wher gort woman's clinic . den hiie say , okay , go amk c doc , okay ? lols . hubbiie reali very gud n understanderable . nw n den hiie treat me more gud lerh . coosh hiie kip gibin me in without habiin e 2nd tot . lata go c e doc , to reali cfm dat im pregnant . as mye mummy say e pregnacy kit ish nort owas rite , n she dunch believe dat im pregnant . shoo no choice , coosh ob me n hubbiie's future n marriage , we nid go c doc , tak e report show mye mummy . haiis . im fann too . mummy ask me to tin hard whethe wil iie regret mahs . coosh she dunch wished iie wil follow herr steps like gettin married shoo earli . haiis . ask me to tin a few yrs more . den she oso asked me , tin whethe ish hubbiie reali mature enuff to tin n set up a family mahs . coosh hiish younge den me ard 2yrs . den wen hiish NS finished , wil hiie changed heart ?

tis question iie tin very long too . e ans to me ish , iie nod hubbiie wont b sorriie to me . coosh hiie nabe made me disappointed through these mths . iie trust hiim . n iie nod iie wont suffer if we both earn hard n save more $$ . nth ish impossible . reali . iie jus wished to prove those wont don trust mye hubbiie de . im sure we'll wiin their trust wen we wrk hard n afte dat all e endin ish as gud as wad dey thinkin . iie wont gibb up no matte wadd . lol .

as forr mye jobb nw , stil e same . iie jus hatee e feelin ob bein used norr . dey tot iie dunno like tis . stil complain say wad iie talk alot durin wrk . PLS lahs . forr e sake . iie swear iie onii eat alot n go toilet n nort TALKIN norr . coosh e whole dae mye fair ther no sales , den iie habb been readin story book ONLY norr . stupid . wann act den sacked me afte usin me forr e fair jus say . no nid shoo many tricks de . hurt mye heart norr . at 1st , tot eu all re gud ppl . in e end . all r jus FUCKER . haiis . y ish owas all e stupid tins doin all these lil tricks n SHANG HAI to me nehs ? iie reali dunn understand . am iie dat stupid n foolish to let dem use me ? iie reali dunch wished to tin too . it hurts myeself deep . no1 reali nod hw iie feel . buhh as forr hubbiie , hiie say , if e jobb reali dat sux , hiie dunch mind iie quit . coosh hiie dunch wished to c me shoo unhappy n kanna bully too . LOLs . iie tin iie wrk e fair finished , iie gonna changed jobb again . shoo mayb lata go out wit emily , iie gonna go hunt forr jobb bahs =)

hmm . wrk frm 10am to 9pm 2dae norr . due to e co0sh ob fair . arghh . den boss ask me go e fair . shoo nid go dwn earli to set up e tins . LAME .! hmm . den mornin , frm hubbiie's hse walk to inter den took 98o to thomson plaza . wahs . a damn longg journey norr . hmm . no choice . forr e sake ob earnin more $$ forr mye future n mye babii . gort to wrk hard even its at JB norr . hhaas . gort too KUA ZHANG mahs ? lol . feelin damn damn tired . ish it shoo tirin forr all pregnant woman mahs ? iie feel whole bodii achiin norr . den mye legg oso very easii cramp . PLUS . iie felt dat duriin wrk tyme , iie cn drink alot ob water den kip rushin e toilet without limits norr . WTH .! buhh iie read e booklet abt pregnancy woman . its normal to kip goin to e toilet . buhh iie stil feel weird inside mye heart norr . lols . hhaas .

angie , mye college , says dat mayb im carryin a babii boii .. coosh iie ate alot . iie cn kip eatin non-stop . lols . iie reali goin broke if all these carries on . buhh no choice . mye babii hungry mahs . oso niid me to eat alot den it cn grow well . am iie rite ? hhaas .

shagg . 2dae nabe go hubbiie hse stay ovr . coosh tmr n all e way til 13th , iie gort to wakiie up earli n wrk full shift n NO OFF DAES lorr . til fair finished , den iie backiie to normal shift , 4-9pm schedule . arghh . reali bo bian . earn more $$ ish to stop thinkin ob hardness . coosh in e end , hw hard eu wrk , all turns out tob $$ .. hhaas . im lame n iie nod . buhh tymes , iie feel very depressed . mye moods r weird n very attitude prob norr . buhh iie swear iie reali cant control it mahs . soorriie to HUBBIIE . smtymes iie shouted at eu oso nort iie wann .. ish jus dat mye moods r weird , n it maks me feel very damn pek cek . n vent mye anger off jus like tis norr . actuali jus nw earlier wann to blog , buhh stupid blogger . dunch nod wad happen . kip cant b found , ar bo ish error . den nw blogg finish , gort to sllp lerh . coosh tmr wrkiin . lols .

jasmine , a longg lost sister . who used to b very closed wit me , buhh coosh ob guys prob , we turned ovr . n lost contact . suddenly , she came to mye msn , n asked me to 4get e past , n she sincerely wann b mye sister . as she felt regret abt everythin .. hmm .. iie tinkin very hard . shlld iie 4get e past or ?? buhh at least im nort so xiao qii . coosh iie habb 4giben herr a very long tyme ago . hmm . contiue in anothe blogg . mye back ish in pain . gonna go sllp liao . tata =)

lols . nose kip sneeziin . shoo bad . nw n den miie very easy to get sick too . especiali GAN MAO . lols . hmm . 2dae came hme earli . coosh mye brains habb one tin on . its passin by miie . n makiin miie feel shoo shagg . hmm . yst wen ovr to hubbiie's hse sllp . acc hiim norr . OMG .! iie cant believe dat am PREGNANT .! hurrhurr . b4 goiin to wrk , iie took out e test kit whiich iie bought it wit grace baba dat tyme wen we wen shoppiin . n nw , finally iie nid it to test . arghhh . at 1st , iie tot iie wasn't pregnant , coosh it shows two line , 1 ish in red color , den e othe 1 lighte color . iie tot 1 line niia . den hubbiie ask miie buy a new test kit we test it at niite . lols . ard 1am , we took e test wen every1 ish in bed . shoo no ppl suspect mahs . lols . den miie n hubbiie b4 testin it , we read through e information throughly . shoo hop we wont gibb a flase alarm . lols . den iie wen to test , e paper say mus gibb e test kit abt 3mins to appear e report , shoo iie waited by e toilet at e kitchen , while hubbiie usin e toilet . TIME's Up .! iie said to hubbiie . n e result was .. 2 lines . its POSITIVE ! arghh . iie was pregnant . lols . den hubbie was happy , hiie kisses miie at mye cheek . den we wen backiie to rme n discuss . we was happy , as e pregnancy actuali ish miie n hubbie pllann out de . den god nods shoo accurrate . hmm . very happy . buhh alittle shag n stress out too . hubbiie n iie was tinkin abt hw to tel mye family n hiish parents abt it . n oso tinkiin abt $$ prob . actuali $$ isnt a prob , jus we niid to save more . n cannot anyhw use $$ liao . nothe tiin strssin miie was , hw m iie goin to peii mye babii if iie niid to wrk forr $$ . iie scare iie wil c babii lesser norr . hmm . no matte its a girl or boii , iie jus hop e babii wil b healthy n iie cn hab a simple n easy pregnancy . n iie promise hubbiie dat iie wont b CLUMSY as b4 . lols . 1st reason hiie scare was scare iie hurt hiish babii . 2nd ish hiie scare iie dunno hw to handle babbii well . hmm . its quite easy bahs . MAYB .! lols . cant tin too muchiie . buhh mye god jiie say to b more cfm , she asked miie to buy e CLEARBLUE to test again . lols . n jus nw iie wen to try , e result was a '+'sign . its positive again . lols . 3 tests habb cfm dat im PREGNANT . hmm . at last . iie cn b mummy liao .. hhaas . quite happy . STRESS . stil hab to acc n help hubbie to tel mye family dat we re gettin married on o7o72oo7 . siians . miie n hubbie was plannin tins . we decide to ROM 1st on o7o72oo7 . n habb a simple BBQ or BUFFET for e celebrations . den as forr weddin dinner , c if cn pull til tis yr de xmas mahs . if mye stomach grows bigger , den habb to wait forr babii come out den we hold our dinner . hmm . iie hop mye babii cn try arriviin by e end ob tis yr . shoo its a ZHU bao bao . hhaas . tin too much . gtg . niid more rest . im tired indeed . n feel shoo siick .!

1stly ,

iie reali nid to thanks all mye besties , gfs , frens , boss .. thanks forr all eur care n concern . thanks forr alll e advised eu guys habb giben me .. iie reali appreciate it alots . n nw , finally , all habb come to a endin . finally iie nod e truth n everythin too . im jus bein YOU ZI n stupi thinkin . haiis . nvm . wad past is past lerh . nth cn mak e tyme to turn bk . if cn , iie alrdy b a goddess lerh . hhaas . iie learn to b strong . n iie wil nort stress myeself up . coosh iie cant let those who re helpin me de let dwn . iie wont choose to die eithe . coosh lie stil habb a wished . n dats wearin e beautiful weddin gown , married , n habb many kids . y shlld iie turn to e dead path . iie cant b dat stupid anymore ..

lols . boss gibb me a leave todae . hmm . gonna rest well n get mye health backiie .

yesh . iie gonna b a happy girl , happy iris .
hmm . oso . yst iie mit X.X , lols . hmm . he cheer me up . im happy n thans hiimh alot too .

gort tyme den blogg . jus habb mye medicine . gonna rest lerh .

lols . haiis . 1dae ish a rainy dae .. forr me cn say ish nothe stressful dae .. dots . darling wen to court 2dae .. iie nabe go wit hiim , coosh lata iie start wrkiin liao . a new jobb to start mye saviin $$ dae .! arghh .. gort to wrk hard again .. habb a small conflict wit darling wit sms . discussin abt spendiin tyme wit hiim . SHLD iie move backiie to stay wit darling or not ?? hiie soun very sadd .. coosh iie strate to spend lesser tyme wit hiim . n hish nort very happy abt it .. arghh . wil tis affect mye relationship de mahs . im very SCARE . LOLs . mye mind gonna burst up siia . iie reali cant GU FU darling .. coosh actuali hiie treat miie very gud liao lorr .. hiish e 1st guy iie feel very secure n loved de norr .. hiie love miie alot .. e same as iie do .. buhh iie habb to do smtin abt it man .! coosh iie oso cant dump mye family aside . mayb . mayb . mayb .. haiiyahs . iie dunno lahs . fann leis . hmm .. gonna go prepared forr wrk liao . tata . gort tyme den iie cum blogg again ..

yst came backiie hme very earli , ard 9pm plus . nabe go acc darling hme , coosh mummy cook MEE HUN KUEH . shoo came hme earli to hab mye dinner . hmm . afte dinner , played audition awhile den watch tibee n chatted wit darling ovr e phone . lols . hais . tin iie gort SHI YI ZHEN recently . coosh everythin iie tak or used , iie dunno put wher den cant find it . even tin hard oso cant tin . shagg . y like tis ? hmm . nw online , coosh to changed mye blogskin n register mye ROM tins . coosh mye god jie jie told me e date e n darling wann de ish a very popular date . mayb alot ob ppl alrdy book . lols . shoo iie nid faste go book , if nort lata full . den cant hab e date liao . hmm . lata goin forr a interview @ somerset . siians . hop afte tis 2nd interview iie cn start wrk . shoo dat iie cn faste earn n saved more money . lols . FINALLY . gort mye n7373 . im stil a new user to it . buhh iie swear iie wil tak it wit KAREs =)

arghh . fann leis . iie coor mummy . ask her wherthe she or mye daddy wann b mye witness for mye ROM . den she jus ask me to TINK properly n wann me ask mye daddy personally . lols . hais . she knew dat iie dunch reali wann to talk wit mye daddy . den nw like tis . darling coor n laugh at me . say wad . HHAAS . EU NID ASK EUR DADDY PERSONALLY . MINE SIDE ISH ANYTHIN . *wtf . y hiie shoo hao lian siia . buhh nvm . coosh hiie oso nod iie nabe talk wit mye daddy TOO MUCH . nort like e past b4 eva since iie moved bk here . ALAMAK . wad to do siia . im shoo vexed . y everythin oso mus bother me smtyme de . den mak me shoo stressed up . mye brain gonna burst too .

am very sadd n confused n fann abt mye stuff . iie dunno wad im tinkin too . hais . smtyme , iie jus wished to sllp forever . shoo no fann naos all dat . buhh iie cant bear to dump mye family n darling aside . hais . hais . hais . iie miiss mye lil bro alot . jus hopin dat iie cn go visit him asap . buhh iie scare iie wil cry . if no nid sure . iie cn say ish iie CFM wil cry de norr . coosh sm ob mye frens says dat im a very soft hearted person . gan qing put very hard de . lols . its gud n bad too . dunno hw am iie goin to xplain . lols .

gonna go rest awhile den prepared to go for e interview @ 3pm . hmm . mayb mttin BIRDY forr dinner , den afte dat iie jiu go find darling . abt to9's matter . c wad tyme iie reached hme . c whether wen im hme , ish hiie asllp . hhaas . tata =))

hais . yst wen to ovr to darling's place . hmm . den sllp ther norr . den in e middle ob e niite me n darling run out to sunplaza to eat . actuali wann to eat e roti prata whiich iie longin forr , buhh in e end , close . iie tin no more 24hr liao . hmm . shoo sad . den no choice , we wen to 7-11 buy those lil tins to eat norr . den darling ate a nasi lemak , while me eatin e mashed potatoe niia . coosh im alrdy very sllpy n tired . shoo jus ate alittle . hmm . den wen reach backiie hme , we watched tv inside e room awhile jiu go sllp liao . den tis mornin cum hme , quarrelled wit darling . lols . coosh mye train wen off due to darling slowly walk , haii me cant catch up . den he say wil peii me wait , in e end , he took hiish train off 1st . den left me alon at ther waitin . den iie very angry shoo msg him CB . lols . den quarrel lorr . hais . den hiie reached shop oso nabe tel me gort many ppl , den iie waited for hiish reply very long , iie reached hme , very sad he no replied , den iie kip cryiin . hais . me like cry babiic. iie oso dunno y recently mye attitude smtyme shoo sux . hais . a lil iie jiu very pek cek . hais . in e end , he replied . ask me dunch do stpid tins , coosh he say wad if im pregnant . he wann mye babii norr . ask me dunch do stupid tins wen eva im sadv . den he apologised all dat . n nw , im statisfied wit hiish apology norr . hhaas . very lame horr . no choice . hiish mye boii , shoo hiish cute at tymes too . hmm . waitin mummy mak sm kueh ready , den afte eatin , iie nid go changed n go dwn causeway point . im happy . coosh im goin dwn to collect mye new hp . mye new n7373 . yesh . e limited pinkish edition de hp . im shoo happy . shoo nw preparin mye new hp de memorii card , shoo lata tak liao , jus insert mye memorii card can start usin . no nid use noka tones liao . yeepiie . shoo happy . iie lurve darling gibb de present =))

hmm . tmr gonna b a brand new mth . siians . stil haben gort a stable job . hmm . habb b hunting forr a simple job shoo damn long . yet cant find one . arghh . den parents kip wantiin $$ frm me . iie goin nuts soon . hais . iie gort a feelin dat iie might move backiie stay wit darlinbg , coosh mye i/c add stil haben changed backiie , den plus go backiie , iie cn try takiin mye own tyme to find a jobb . no muchiie hurry . buhh for here ... iie very stressed de leis . hais . lols . tmr iie gonna changed hp liao . im changin to n7373 . e PINK limited edition de . yeppie . hhaas . siians . cn sm1 tell me hw mahs . mye brain gonna burst up soon . hais .

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10/09/1988
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Mummy-to-be

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